"Sanitatem"

So remember that song I had been working on since the beginning of
this school year?
well i finally got my friend to help me record it. It's a little bit
fuzzy cause we recorded in a big room with a lot of resonance on my
campus, but it was a Steinwey & Son, thus the best piano I could get
my hands on :)

Here's the story:
I've played ever since i was 4 years old, when my parents forced me to
do that asian thing where I was required to play for at least 2 hours
a day, and i would dread every tuesday afternoon 4:00 when I had to go
to my piano teacher's house and play for her.. >.<; Ten years of
tantrums, practicing & hating piano later, my mum finally let me quit.
Throughout high school, I didn't play much at all.... I had no respect
for it.

Then it came time for me to go to college. Being in a new state
thousands of miles away from everything I've ever known, with not many
friends, nothing to do in a rinky dink town, no car, and lots of free
time, I found sanctuary in playing piano..  For the first time, I
didn't have to practice FOR anything. There were no recitals to
perform at, no teacher to play for, no mother threatening to take away
tv time. It was just God, me, and the ivory keys.

God plunged into my life that first semester at Baylor big time. He
transformed me,
unrooted me from the dry desert where I was, and re-planted me in more
nutrient soils. This process of breaking ME down and building me up
with HIM, is what this song is all about. "Sanitatem" is Latin for
"healing". God had plans to put me through the first real
heart-break/breakup of my life and find the security I looked for in
only Him. Breaking emotional ties and feeling worn-down to the core
was one of the most brutal process I've ever been through. But as
Robert Griffin III once said, " the hotter the heat, the harder the
steel. No pressure, no diamonds."

i've always been really reluctant to share any of my piano playing
because to me, playing piano is sanctuary. It's an extremely intimate
moment I share with God, and never wanted it to be corrupted by
ears that didn't care/understand... but I guess that's a risk every
musician has to take. The greater the risks, the greater the reward,
though, and my prayer for this song is that... i dunno.. God will hear
it & like it? That's all. 

"Sanitatem" -Music by Angel

blogging break

Taking a blogging break before continuing on to study through the night.

 So i've been thinking about it...
 I have 9 days until I leave for Africa!!!
27 days until I'm back Home!!!
65 days until I leave for Hong Kong!!!
69 days until I'm in Taiwan with my Extended Family!!

This chick is one hell of an excited girl.

This is going to be the swellest Summer yet...
But if there's one thing I've learned this past week, it's that we are not promised tomorrow. This is where I am today: At the Baylor Moody Library, studying for tomorrow's Microbiology final. As mundane as that sounds, this is where God's got me today, NOW, and this is where my heart, body, and mind will be 100% today. I've got to focus up, not let my mind wander to Africa, Hong Kong, home, food, friends, that certain somebody, what my weekend plans are, when I'm moving to Dallas, how I'm gonna get my CPR/background check/orientation done before Nursing school, etc...
Oh my...
all that comes AFTER this moment. I guess that's my cue to go. :) Hope everyone's finals are going well!!

TAMW

That awkward moment when you realize... you're turning into that thing you never wanted to be. That trait you saw in others at one time and thought "i never want to be like that." And now that i'm at that point, it has made me realize how imperfect I am, and how wrong it is of me to judge others. While that doesn't mean the trait/deed itself is okay, it still means it's time to change my ways. Lots of things have been happening lately that seem completely unfair, life situations like death & dying, leaving behind a place with everyone connected to it, and starting anew in a whole new place, right when i'm feeling settled. IN desperation, I've been seeking to control something, anything; and it's taking a toll on some of my relationships. It's all gotten me to realize how human i am, how insignificant my problems are compared to the world around me, how insignificant my pettiness is compared to God's vast kingdom.. how complicated life can be, how simple life can be. Amidst it all, God is good. <--Surprisingly, this has been one thing that God has instilled in my heart and I have not doubted once. *sigh* The other day, I was praying about all the troubles on my heart and all these life situations. After seeking for an answer in His word, it seemed like God was screaming "PATIENCE" at me, to quiet my heart and quiet my thoughts, and simply "be still, and know that I am God.." Lord, give me one glorious ambition for my life: to know and follow hard after you...

Meet Lilo

This Easter break, I finally crossed off another goal on my Bucket List: Get a hedgehog!



Her name is Lilo, named after one of my favorite Disney cartoons, "Lilo & Stitch". She is the newest member of my Ohana. She doesn't do much - but she's quite adorable. She was the most sociable of the litter, so it really doesn't take long for her to get out of her sharp ball and get comfortable walking around on/around me. :)
i really wish i could take her home to Cali with me this summer, but it probably won't happen... The workers at American Airlines basically told me I could bring her if I could somehow hide her and get her past airport security :P. I guess y'all Cali friends will have to visit me in TX to see her! :D

This weekend is my 2nd-to-last track meet EVER, so I am a little nervous... I just want to go out having left behind something, naahmean? It's been such a blessing to be able to worship GOd through something as obscure as pole vaulting, but it's really been quite a journey. However, IT'S NOT OVER! I still have 2 whoooole competitions left to be able to glorify God in competition. Can't wait to see what He has in store. :)

New Ulms, TX

For Spring Break, my friend, Becca, invited me to come home with her because we both had a shortened SB due to track. It was so cool to see her FARM. Yes, I went to a farm in the middle of nowhere, TX. It was honestly SOOOO cool staying with her grandma, hanging out with her 2 younger brothers & family, going to her TINY intimate church, playing in the mud, and roughin' it up. :) :) :) The country...it's good for your soul.

Needless to say, It was definitely a refreshing 4-day spring break. And thank you thank you thank you to the Luedeker family for taking me in :) <3

Making New Friends

Making new friends happens each day, but my question is: What defines a friend?

I remember when I was in kindergarten/early elementary years, I would start playing with someone and eventually ask the big question: "Are you my friend?" Most times, they would just say "okay," "yeah!" or "I think so," and we'd continue along, playing happily. For some reason, though, knowing that person was now officially my friend really made me feel like I was on top of the world! Being friends meant we would have each others' backs, and I could approach them at any time for any reason, talk about anything, and share silly, memorable times with.

..Why should a friend be anything different now?

For some reason, now I'm worried about a billion things whenever I'm making a new friend, like...

Are we both on the same page?

Are we at that level of friendship yet?

How much about myself should I reveal to this person?

How much has this person actually revealed of him/herself to me?

How often is hanging out too often?

Can I trust this person with my love?

What does this person think about sharing burdens?

Will this person think I'm crazy for being nice and caring for them?

It's interesting how we turn away from being innocent, naive, trusting, free lovers and turn into insecure individuals marked with bruises and scars.

I say, eff it. Love one, love all. Everyone has their own story, everyone has reasons for doing what they do. And I don't care what you say, nobody wants to be alone and unloved forever.

February in Fotos

Pictures are worth more than a thousand words, so here's a sum of this past month or so..