Tuesday, February 10, 2009

To whom it may concern...

What happened to the great friend i used to be?
to the inspiration i used to have that motivated me to have joy in my heart and a caring heart?
What happened to the moments when the only thing I could do was to break out in song?
What happened to the pure, untoxicated, good and honest fun we used to be able to have?
to the spontaneity?

TO whom it may concern:

I'm lost, and have been for a while now.
I guess you could say I'm too stubborn to say anything, and too awkward to converse about it.
I really don't want anybody to call me out on it, either. I just really need some time to think about things and reconnect, just me & God, alone, for a long time.
And that's just it. Time is just what I dont have. But i know "time is not found; it is made" (And i quote Jason Carter on that one).
IN the meantime, this is probably why i'm acting so strangely, if i am. I dont know whether i am or not, but i sure feel strange. And I know, it does not compensate nor justify my behavior. I'm simply stating it.
Maybe it'll pass. Maybe I'll have a breakthrough. one way or another, i hope something happens. I've desperately been trying to find it, but only been disappointed. This is just a battle I have to fight on my own. I have to conquer my messed up psyche.
I can see everything changing and rearranging, and i guess the effect is just numbness.

Lost in the changes of adolescence and the world.

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