not until

it happens, you notice how big of a deal it actually is, and usually, you're lucky enough that God has mercy and your life is still functionable. O that great feeling you get when it was "so close." however, that far away feeling when you're hanging by a thread, and a couple words will totally alter everything you've ever imagined. That fear of failure and embarrassment, the fear knocking around in your head, growing and growing with every closer moment you get to what you know not of... and then one moment, and it's all gone. reality. this is where you and the rest of the world meet up. this is where you will be, and this is what you'll have to deal with. will i be able to look back and laugh? or will i look back and weep? or i could not look back, and keep looking forward...