Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something  I definitely need to fully surrender.

I've just begun to notice how much I harbor the mistrust, bitterness, disappointment that comes following the resolve of conflict. It's sad to say that I have not been fully forgiving from my heart.

Been doing a little self reflection...
When situations arise where conflicts ensue, my initial reaction tends to be defensive, then protective. For some reason I believe I start to feed off my own self-righteousness, convincing myself that I am right and the other party is in the wrong. At this point, I'm already setting myself up for peril.
Now, convinced that the other person has done me wrong, I start wallowing in a self-inflicted sort of bitterness, which manifests and grows roots like a virus, deeper and deeper into my heart. The story doesn't end pretty from there on...

Recently there's been some light shined on the "plank" in my own eye. And I thank God for doing the shining.

How can I call myself "Christian," yet practice not the art of forgiveness?
How can I call myself "saved," when I don't truly love my neighbor as myself?
How can I call myself "forgiven," yet forgive not others in the same way, deserving or not?
How can I call myself "daughter," when the grace of love is not extended to all of my Father's people?

I want to forgive others the way the father forgives the infamous prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32).
I want to forgive w/o the need for an apology,
I want to let it go from my heart & my thoughts,
I want to shine on others the grace that He gives me each day;
I want to simply forget
Not only do I want reconciliation, I want to shower my "enemies" with love.

What does that look like?
...I'm not sure; I'm still learning a lot. But i've definitely felt the forgiveness of others, and how liberating that feels, how empowering it is. Praise God that He is so good at that...